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From the Plateau

by D. Fagan

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1.
Mauve 05:19
I don’t wanna be here on my own But the fear has set itself in stone Pink fades from every dawn And the years keep piling on Standing by for someone I don’t owe And barely know And I move with every chance I have Used to run from friends And now I run right from myself Try to talk to some old acquaintance Out of practice, scared to death And stuck in somewhere else But I think we’re meant to be Bathed in things that set us free I want to close my eyes And feel the warmth envelop me The dark to turn so mauve The sun’ll drown out everything As the color comes right back I wanna feel the rushing breeze I don’t want a thought leader Callous men or mind readers I don’t need suggestions just to know I’m sick of feeling all this dread Since I stopped drinking I think, “I must be a drag” I keep my boxes closed real tight I don’t want to scare them off I tidy up real nice But I think we’re meant to be Bathed in things that set us free I want to close my eyes And feel the warmth envelop me The dark to turn so mauve The sun’ll drown out everything As the color comes right back I wanna feel the rushing breeze I try the things you tell me And end up feeling lonely You don’t have any training And half a minute to fix my mood An advertisement to heal a wound Just type out one more sentence And make up your statistics Now I don’t know why I asked you
2.
Will my spring still come? Am I on the run? And will they hold the ash? Will it turn around? I haven’t figured out What else can you take? Will my spring still come? If your will is done? Lay me in the sun Take me where they’ve gone There’s no more bartering There’s no more part of me I’ll take my scraps and fold A conflicted soul The heart has grown a hole What can I afford? Will my spring still come? If your will is done? Lay me in the sun Back to where I’m from When this is over Will who I was still come through? When this is over I hope there’s a door to you I won’t pretend That I’m not desperate Will my spring still come? If your will is done? I’ll come to terms I will try and learn
3.
I ran a red light 15 years ago A flower truck was straight ahead Someone pulled up in the other lane “Your mother loves you” all they said There’s something deep inside this incident It’s never truly left my mind I could you tell you how it changed my life But the words are hard to find So I keep trying To crystallize All you meant to me There’s the purest Loneliness When the phone No longer rings Spent a few months running right in place Did everything to push it down Leaned on those who would commiserate Still never switched out my speed dial I did what I could to parse it out And things got better for a while On the whole I’m mending pretty well Long as I live inside these bounds As I keep trying To crystallize All you meant to me There’s the purest Loneliness When the phone No longer rings Today the wind blows And the acorns fall And I know you’re still around We all talked about you late last night And they all said that you’d be proud So I keep trying To crystallize All you meant to me There’s the purest Loneliness When the phone No longer rings
4.
August, 1976 03:15
I had to call you From this motel room tonight For 40 years I’ve held on to my biggest lie I never did see a big white light up in the sky I couldn’t hold on to this feeling if I tried I thought we’d make a buck Do the TV thing real good Say we lost track of time Make up some junk ‘bout firewood I didn’t think I’d call From Missouri all alone We’re no longer friends So now I wanna let you know We were just college kids With a bunch of hash Out there fishing near the Allagash The money never did come rolling in for us They all went on with life Wait, I didn’t call you just to fuss Oh I’m not some agent, Patsy or a pawn this time I didn’t meet no entities Their depictions aren’t mine I know it’s a lot to call before you go to bed We had a falling out Not much more can be said Oh, I didn’t want to argue about anomalies But I can truly tell you, It didn’t happen there to me ‘Cause we were just college kids With a bunch of hash Out there fishing near the Allagash Young painters with some active minds We were bonded But I’ve left it all behind And that you can print Oh, that’s all you can print
5.
Staring deep into the night Clear the flames The static clears for a while It’s all the same A sabotage with no reward A pointless game Holding off time No tint, no hue Distract, redo I wonder more now every day What you’d think, what you’d say Are you guiding from above Would you be proud Do I do enough? And I know that there’s a calm A quiet space When the world comes to a crawl Another plane I wish that I could shut it off The constant haze Erase the day No call, no dream Unfazed, unseen I wonder more now every day Is this your plan, has it gone your way? Should I ever be concerned I look for signs That I’ll ever learn I wonder more now every day And I now fret each night away I’m most lucid here in bed As I collect my grains of sand Romanticist, born optimist We’re near collapse Please call me back Romanticist, born optimist We’re near collapse Please call me back
6.
State Line 02:33
I start to feel it every time 20 miles from state line Pretend I’m headed home But I really know And I don’t think I wanna go Down that road that anymore It’s hard when I’m alone And hard to put on a show And I want someone to see To tell me that I’m doing oh so well at grief I know it sounds so bad, but honestly Tell me I heard that you acted small Big fish in a tiny pond Guess that they weren’t wrong No, that they weren’t off Watching you break a bond
7.
Whims 04:12
Came to your door My soul could fall out on the floor My heart released Walk by the house in July The years have gone Since moving on The house is green Think it got painted recently A couple cars, the lawn gets long When days are hot The street has changed so much And now I live so close, but The years have gone Since moving on And I’m so tired Of my whims And I’m so tired Of my whims And medicine There’s no medicine I keep rushing off Feeling so bad asking for help But those I’ve lost Would want me here and feeling well You said I looked so good But my all ribs were showing Obsessive then Now compulsive And I’m so tired Of my whims And I’m so tired Of my whims And medicine Am I my medicine? 'Cause it’s no fun is it? Yeah it’s no fun, is it? There’s nothing to defend 
I walk the dog and wince Help me just forget And find new ways to live Should I apologize? Don’t know if that’s the answer I can’t pretend And lose my friends And I’m so tired Of my whims I’m so tired Of my whims I’m so tired Of my whims I’m so tired Of my whims, yeah
8.
Weary 03:47
It’s all the same No ebb and flow All this ache Wanting All the pain All the hope An optimist Waiting for the sun Again No more weight No more day No more time Repeating One caress A bead of sweat Something else For my weary heart I won’t fall apart I will find my way To a weirder start I’ve been feeling down Somehow holding out Can’t believe myself With no one to tell Again Facing up On the ground Trying hard To feel it Go inside Clear a mind To figure out All the things To say again A mental list Simple kiss I’ll make it up Promise It’s not too late To erase, to evade And my weary heart I won’t fall apart I will find my way To a weirder start I’ve been feeling down Somehow holding out Can’t believe myself With no one to tell again Again x 8
9.
If it would save myself I’d call someone else With nothing left to do Who would I turn to? Just repeating time When you have yourself to find Not collecting dust I’m learning how to trust I’m flowing, flow slowly I’m flowing, like honey Forever and ever Flowing, so slowly
10.
I found my home again It all came fading in One snowflake in your hair One day without a care When I can tune it out Let go of any doubt I wanna be so warm Simple in all its forms Someone knows who I am Someone knows and understands Not all pain can have a point Not all joy is truly voiced At night, I’m half awake Wonder about my days How many are like this Still thankful if they slip Someone knows who I am Someone knows and understands Not all pain can have a point Not all joy is truly voiced

about

From the Plateau is an album about loss, longing, and ultimately finding a renewed sense of optimism. On the whole, this is a collection of songs about people I can no longer call. There’s also one about space aliens.

As a verb, 'plateau' describes my fear of reaching a certain level of comfort and choosing complacency. This album is me reflecting on monotony and loneliness while bouncing off the walls.

Loud guitars, big drums, and earnest lyrics have inspired me to make music since I was 15 years old. This is as honest a record as I can make at this moment in time.

credits

released February 10, 2023

Written and recorded by Dylan Fagan

Mastered by Steve Kitch

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D. Fagan Atlanta, Georgia

D. Fagan is the stage name of Atlanta-based musician Dylan Fagan. His songs blend alternative influences, shoegaze and contemplative lyricism.

Dylan has spent the previous decade working on a variety of musical projects. With D. Fagan, he has returned to the music he has always loved, largely influenced by bands such as Swervedriver, Lush, and Dinosaur Jr.
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