1. |
Mauve
05:19
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I don’t wanna be here on my own
But the fear has set itself in stone
Pink fades from every dawn
And the years keep piling on
Standing by for someone I don’t owe
And barely know
And I move with every chance I have
Used to run from friends
And now I run right from myself
Try to talk to some old acquaintance
Out of practice, scared to death
And stuck in somewhere else
But I think we’re meant to be
Bathed in things that set us free
I want to close my eyes
And feel the warmth envelop me
The dark to turn so mauve
The sun’ll drown out everything
As the color comes right back
I wanna feel the rushing breeze
I don’t want a thought leader
Callous men or mind readers
I don’t need suggestions just to know
I’m sick of feeling all this dread
Since I stopped drinking
I think, “I must be a drag”
I keep my boxes closed real tight
I don’t want to scare them off
I tidy up real nice
But I think we’re meant to be
Bathed in things that set us free
I want to close my eyes
And feel the warmth envelop me
The dark to turn so mauve
The sun’ll drown out everything
As the color comes right back
I wanna feel the rushing breeze
I try the things you tell me
And end up feeling lonely
You don’t have any training
And half a minute to fix my mood
An advertisement to heal a wound
Just type out one more sentence
And make up your statistics
Now I don’t know why I asked you
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2. |
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Will my spring still come?
Am I on the run?
And will they hold the ash?
Will it turn around?
I haven’t figured out
What else can you take?
Will my spring still come?
If your will is done?
Lay me in the sun
Take me where they’ve gone
There’s no more bartering
There’s no more part of me
I’ll take my scraps and fold
A conflicted soul
The heart has grown a hole
What can I afford?
Will my spring still come?
If your will is done?
Lay me in the sun
Back to where I’m from
When this is over
Will who I was still come through?
When this is over
I hope there’s a door to you
I won’t pretend
That I’m not desperate
Will my spring still come?
If your will is done?
I’ll come to terms
I will try and learn
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3. |
Pure Loneliness
03:34
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I ran a red light 15 years ago
A flower truck was straight ahead
Someone pulled up in the other lane
“Your mother loves you” all they said
There’s something deep inside this incident
It’s never truly left my mind
I could you tell you how it changed my life
But the words are hard to find
So I keep trying
To crystallize
All you meant to me
There’s the purest
Loneliness
When the phone
No longer rings
Spent a few months running right in place
Did everything to push it down
Leaned on those who would commiserate
Still never switched out my speed dial
I did what I could to parse it out
And things got better for a while
On the whole I’m mending pretty well
Long as I live inside these bounds
As I keep trying
To crystallize
All you meant to me
There’s the purest
Loneliness
When the phone
No longer rings
Today the wind blows
And the acorns fall
And I know you’re still around
We all talked about you late last night
And they all said that you’d be proud
So I keep trying
To crystallize
All you meant to me
There’s the purest
Loneliness
When the phone
No longer rings
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4. |
August, 1976
03:15
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I had to call you
From this motel room tonight
For 40 years I’ve held on to my biggest lie
I never did see a big white light up in the sky
I couldn’t hold on to this feeling if I tried
I thought we’d make a buck
Do the TV thing real good
Say we lost track of time
Make up some junk ‘bout firewood
I didn’t think I’d call
From Missouri all alone
We’re no longer friends
So now I wanna let you know
We were just college kids
With a bunch of hash
Out there fishing near the Allagash
The money never did come rolling in for us
They all went on with life
Wait, I didn’t call you just to fuss
Oh I’m not some agent,
Patsy or a pawn this time
I didn’t meet no entities
Their depictions aren’t mine
I know it’s a lot to call before you go to bed
We had a falling out
Not much more can be said
Oh, I didn’t want to argue about anomalies
But I can truly tell you,
It didn’t happen there to me
‘Cause we were just college kids
With a bunch of hash
Out there fishing near the Allagash
Young painters with some active minds
We were bonded
But I’ve left it all behind
And that you can print
Oh, that’s all you can print
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5. |
Born Optimist
02:48
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Staring deep into the night
Clear the flames
The static clears
for a while
It’s all the same
A sabotage with no reward
A pointless game
Holding off time
No tint, no hue
Distract, redo
I wonder more now every day
What you’d think, what you’d say
Are you guiding from above
Would you be proud
Do I do enough?
And I know that there’s a calm
A quiet space
When the world comes to a crawl
Another plane
I wish that I could shut it off
The constant haze
Erase the day
No call, no dream
Unfazed, unseen
I wonder more now every day
Is this your plan, has it gone your way?
Should I ever be concerned
I look for signs
That I’ll ever learn
I wonder more now every day
And I now fret each night away
I’m most lucid here in bed
As I collect my grains of sand
Romanticist, born optimist
We’re near collapse
Please call me back
Romanticist, born optimist
We’re near collapse
Please call me back
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6. |
State Line
02:33
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I start to feel it every time
20 miles from state line
Pretend I’m headed home
But I really know
And I don’t think I wanna go
Down that road that anymore
It’s hard when I’m alone
And hard to put on a show
And I want someone to see
To tell me that I’m doing oh so well at grief
I know it sounds so bad, but honestly
Tell me
I heard that you acted small
Big fish in a tiny pond
Guess that they weren’t wrong
No, that they weren’t off
Watching you break a bond
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7. |
Whims
04:12
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Came to your door
My soul could fall out on the floor
My heart released
Walk by the house in July
The years have gone
Since moving on
The house is green
Think it got painted recently
A couple cars, the lawn gets long
When days are hot
The street has changed so much
And now I live so close, but
The years have gone
Since moving on
And I’m so tired
Of my whims
And I’m so tired
Of my whims
And medicine
There’s no medicine
I keep rushing off
Feeling so bad asking for help
But those I’ve lost
Would want me here and feeling well
You said I looked so good
But my all ribs were showing
Obsessive then
Now compulsive
And I’m so tired
Of my whims
And I’m so tired
Of my whims
And medicine
Am I my medicine?
'Cause it’s no fun is it?
Yeah it’s no fun, is it?
There’s nothing to defend
I walk the dog and wince
Help me just forget
And find new ways to live
Should I apologize?
Don’t know if that’s the answer
I can’t pretend
And lose my friends
And I’m so tired
Of my whims
I’m so tired
Of my whims
I’m so tired
Of my whims
I’m so tired
Of my whims, yeah
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8. |
Weary
03:47
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It’s all the same
No ebb and flow
All this ache
Wanting
All the pain
All the hope
An optimist
Waiting for the sun
Again
No more weight
No more day
No more time
Repeating
One caress
A bead of sweat
Something else
For my weary heart
I won’t fall apart
I will find my way
To a weirder start
I’ve been feeling down
Somehow holding out
Can’t believe myself
With no one to tell
Again
Facing up
On the ground
Trying hard
To feel it
Go inside
Clear a mind
To figure out
All the things
To say again
A mental list
Simple kiss
I’ll make it up
Promise
It’s not too late
To erase, to evade
And my
weary heart
I won’t fall apart
I will find my way
To a weirder start
I’ve been feeling down
Somehow holding out
Can’t believe myself
With no one to tell again
Again x 8
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9. |
Flowing Like Honey
02:31
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If it would save myself
I’d call someone else
With nothing left to do
Who would I turn to?
Just repeating time
When you have yourself to find
Not collecting dust
I’m learning how to trust
I’m flowing, flow slowly
I’m flowing, like honey
Forever and ever
Flowing, so slowly
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10. |
Someone Knows
03:16
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I found my home again
It all came fading in
One snowflake in your hair
One day without a care
When I can tune it out
Let go of any doubt
I wanna be so warm
Simple in all its forms
Someone knows who I am
Someone knows and understands
Not all pain can have a point
Not all joy is truly voiced
At night, I’m half awake
Wonder about my days
How many are like this
Still thankful if they slip
Someone knows who I am
Someone knows and understands
Not all pain can have a point
Not all joy is truly voiced
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D. Fagan Atlanta, Georgia
D. Fagan is the stage name of Atlanta-based musician Dylan Fagan. His songs blend alternative influences, shoegaze and
contemplative lyricism.
Dylan has spent the previous decade working on a variety of musical projects. With D. Fagan, he has returned to the music he has always loved, largely influenced by bands such as Swervedriver, Lush, and Dinosaur Jr.
... more
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